How's the Weather?

So many conversations start with the topic of the weather. It doesn’t matter the season, it’s always one of the number 1 topics of discussion. Recently here in Minnesota we have had several different types of weather. We have had warm and cold. We have had snow, rain, ice and mud. All of these are great conversation starters including the commonly used, “Is it (insert hot or cold here) enough for ya?” Whatever the answer is it doesn’t lead to much weight in the conversation.

We have about 7 seconds to make a first impression. Do we want our opening line to sound like a cliché or would it be better to start a conversation with some forethought and something of substance?

So here is a list of a few non cliché phrases that you can use to start a meaningful conversation*-

• What do you like best about what you do?
• You mentioned that you were in (Industry). What got you started in that direction?
• Where else do you usually network?
• What are some of your biggest challenges?

And my VERY favorite of all time…

• How can I help you?

Small talk is one thing but when you are trying to have meaningful conversations with people that stimulate more conversation or even a meeting at a later date, we want to take an interest in the other person. People in general have one common topic that is their favorite… themselves. It’s not out of selfishness. It’s truly because they are an expert on the topic. Give them a chance to share their expertise. When they realize that you are interested in them, they will take an interest in you. You begin to establish trust with your conversation partner. With trust we are able to begin to build a relationship with that person.

So next time you are with a person you’ve never met before, leave the weather out of it and go for the depth and meaningful conversation. You will make the other person feel comfortable, at ease and possibly begin a new relationship. Because really, isn’t that why we network in the first place?

*Questions taken from Networking Like a Pro by Dr. Ivan Misner

Rowing Through Mud

2010 kicked my butt! I had every intention of it being the BEST YEAR EVER and yet the things that I thought were solid were fluid.

I set my goals, I got a fantastic coach, I started a new business and began writing a blog. I also commenced writing a book as well as got asked to be a contributing author to another. My beautiful daughter got married and I now have a wonderful new son added to my family. I was able to travel more than I had in my life and had a wonderful vacation with some very dear “new” friends. I moved into a new home that I embraced with all its imperfections. I reconnected with friends I hadn’t known for years! I made some new friends that will be in my life forever. I had doors and opportunities placed in front of me that were beyond my imagination. And I have a family that is so dear and wonderful, words can’t express the depth of emotion I feel. For all these things, I am truly grateful.

I also had so many bad things happen that it made every day a challenge. I’m not talking, I’ve had a bad day and I’m a little fussy. I’m talking tragic, horrific and ugly. When my Doctor asked me how I had been and what was going on in my life since I had seen her last, I said, “Oh, you know, pretty much everything stayed the same…” And then one by one, I mentioned some of the things that had happened in the last year. When I finished, I was a little emotional. She reached over and squeezed my hand and gently said, “It sounds like you’ve been through hell”. I laughed through the tears that quietly fell and said “But isn’t everyone going through things like this or something like it?”

It’s true, we all have challenges that we could use as an excuse to just lie down. But as my mom always says, the things we experience make us the people we are. I have another friend who says, “rub some dirt on it and get back in there”. Last year, I didn’t want to “get back in there”. I was tired. However, I believe a person is a victim only if they want to be. I refused to be a victim and I fought hard, with every fiber of my being and I got back in there!

Why am I sharing this? If you know me at all or see me on Facebook, you know I am in no way a complainer. In fact… I despise complaining ((big smile)). I do know, however that I’m not the only person who had a “hard year”. I’ve heard it over and over again from people I know and even those I’ve barely met.

The purpose for this post is twofold. One, it’s a growing experience for me. A cleansing exercise, if you will. I don’t share my down days except with those who are VERY close to me. I think I can count them on one hand. As a Once Timid Networker, sharing anything about me would have been a struggle or I would have refrained completely. Thank you for allowing me the venue to grow.

Two, most importantly, I want to share what helped me, in hopes it can help someone else.

So here’s my list of things that will help when your day feels like mud and you’re trying to paddle through it to get to your destination.

1. Count your blessings- Sometimes taking stock of what good things are happening makes the bad things diminish, or at least give you a new perspective. I gave you my partial list at the beginning of this post. I mentioned the big things. However sometimes all you have to count are the small things, like witnessing a sunrise, a pen that WORKS, a smile from a stranger, a hug from a child, or a text from a friend. And one of my favorites, that first sip of coffee.

2. Find delight in small things- see above

3. Notice others- Everyone has problems, be a support for them. This helps us forget about the negative things going on in our own lives, if only for a few moments. Don’t just leave it at that either. Ask how you can help them. Check in on them regularly and give assistance to them. Even if it’s an ear for support.

4. Smile- A true eye squinting smile. A smile can help so much. It makes you feel better, it makes the people around you feel better and it releases endorphins that help your immune system and fight depression. You can be happy and improve your health!

5. Have a confidant that you can vent to- This is not the same as complaining or whining. This is factual release. This is not to imply that you talk to multiple people about all the things that are happening to you and venting to anyone who will listen. Or heaven forbid, post all your garbage on Facebook or Twitter. I’m talking about letting one or two people know what’s really going on so that they can “have your back” (see the book Who’s Got Your Back- Keith Ferazzi). This is so they can check in with you and be your support when it’s too much to take. For those who helped me through last year, you know who you are, I’m eternally grateful. I don’t know where I would be without your love, compassion, hugs and listening ears. Thank you.

6. Move on- Dwelling on the past is unproductive. You can’t turn back time to change it so why bother with the “what if’s” or “if only’s”. By looking backwards you keep bringing that negativity on yourself. If you noticed, I refrained from making a list of all the yucky stuff, and you all know how much I love a good list! But here’s the deal, list’s are made so you can remember something. Keep a list of the successes instead.

These are just a few things that helped me last year. But they have been great habits that I have used to continually keep myself in check. Little by little the mud goes away. Eventually you will find yourself in a lovely place again, whatever that may be for you. As I look around my life now, I see the mud receding and drying up. Is it all gone? By no means. However, I’ve come prepared and this year I intend to outsmart the mud!

The "Sparkle Factor"

I was born and raised in Alaska. It’s common knowledge that there is gold in Alaska and you can find it if you know where to look and if you have patience. When I was a little girl, my dad would bring me fishing along the Kenai River and he would often tell me to look for gold. He said if I could find some, I could keep it.

So as any little girl who loved Barbie’s and dress up, I would look for shiny, sparkly things along the water’s edge. Sometimes I would run my hand through the water gently stirring the silt at the bottom of the river looking for a glimmer something. I would see that “shine” through the water and I would get goose bumps. My heart would pound and my palms would sweat. My breathing would become rapid and I could think about nothing else except focusing on finding that object sparkling in the water. I had to be careful so I wouldn’t fall into the river and sometimes I needed to figure out a way to get to the Sparkle since it wasn’t always within my reach. But that didn’t stop me because each time I saw something glimmer in the water, I was convinced that it was the treasure I was seeking and I wouldn’t know for sure unless I tried to get it.

I found lots of shiny things, fishing lures, hooks, candy wrappers and lost or broken pieces of jewelry, but I never found gold. In retrospect, I realize my dad was giving me a project for the day so he could enjoy his day of salmon fishing. I do look back on those days with fondness. I collected piles of sparkly items that we usually threw away when we were done. But, I loved the hunt and I loved the idea of what could possibly be found and to this day I have an addiction for sparkle. In fact I sometimes refer to it (tongue in cheek of course) as my favorite color.

Do you have something that you just know is “IT”? You feel it in your bones and it gives you goose bumps? Do your palms sweat and your heart beats faster? Does your breathing become rapid and you find your mind drifting and then focusing on “IT”?

That’s your “Sparkle Factor”.

It makes your eyes shine and your heart sing and when you talk about it you sparkle from the inside out. It can be something tangible but it can also be a goal, a business idea, even a person. Whatever it is for you, use it to your advantage and run with it. Sometimes it’s out of immediate reach and we have to find a way to reach or achieve it but don’t lose your focus. If you don't try, it could become a missed opportunity.

When I have a sparkly idea or plan it becomes part of me and I’m driven to accomplish it no matter what it takes or how hard it is to reach. “Sparkle” is something that makes my heart happy and gives me joy in all its forms and I have to reach out to grab it. If I would have found gold, those summers long ago, I would have probably been a small flake or nugget of little value. "Sparkle Factor"- Priceless.

What’s yours?

Tara Schmakel
The Once Timid Networker
Entrepreneurial Excellence
The Workroom at Tara's

Distractions Are GOOD, right?

The other day I was so distracted that I could hardly focus on what I needed to accomplish for the day. I started making a list and found my mind kept wandering. I suddenly realized this was happening and decided to post it on Facebook. I asked my friend-ly community, what distracts them. Almost every person replied with a distraction that they considered a good thing under normal circumstances. They replied about their children, Facebook, the scenery outside, an event they were looking forward to and thinking of friends and family that were missed. All positive things or good things, right?

We sometimes think of distraction as a negative thing. However, I like to think that sometimes, distractions can help us accomplish what we are trying to achieve. How so you may ask?

Well how about when you go to the Doctor and you need to have blood drawn. I’ll bet most of us, turn away and think of something else besides the blood leaving our body and the prick of the needle. Or, you’re stuck in traffic on a hot summer day. Instead of focusing on the heat, the bumper to bumper traffic, you turn on the radio or an audio book. Distractions can actually help us accomplish something that we don’t necessarily want to do. By using a distraction we can take the focus off of something that feels unpleasant to us so that we able to get done what we may not want to do.

Let’s take for example an event. For whatever reason, you may be stressing over attending. Why not use distraction to make it easier. As a Once Timid Networker, I used to loath these events. I would get so anxious before that I would almost make myself physically ill. I have since learned a few “distractions” for myself to make it easier.

1. Just DO it! That’s right, don’t even think about it, just act. We can create anxiety in our minds that is worlds worse than the actuality. Be so distracted that you don’t even think about what you’re about to do. In the words of my wise mother, “Just get an attitude about it!” Trust me, it works!

2. Invite a friend along who might be a timid networker and focus on helping them instead of yourself. Helping another is a great distraction and they love you for helping them out!

3. Play music that gets you excited on your way. You will be so focused on singing your heart out in the car that you forget about where you are going. In turn you get yourself energized and ready to go. Personally, I use theme songs and I love how they distract me!!

4. Find something “shiny”. Yes, some of us can be distracted by something sparkly (ahem!) But when you find what your personal “sparkle factor” is, that thing that makes your eyes shine, you can use it to your advantage and it can actually help you accomplish your goal. (another blog to come on “The Sparkle Factor”)

5. Visualization! Visualize yourself networking like a pro around the room, talking to strangers, taking their card, introducing them to others acting the host to the event… even if you’re not. Studies show when we start thinking about helping others, we will be less stressed. See yourself acting the part. When it comes time to do it in real life, it will be very similar to what you visualized.

Let’s face it, we distract ourselves all the time. We just need to learn how to channel our efforts and use them to our advantage. Find what works for you. Use distractions to get the things done on your list that you don’t want to do. Feel the sense of accomplishment when you do it!

Tara Schmakel
The Once Timid Networker
Entrepreneurial Excellence
The Workroom at Tara's

"Tara, why don't you make a list?"

I am a list maker, through and through. I love short lists, long lists and colorful lists. Just love them!

I believe the first list I ever made was when my mom told me I needed to clean my room. I was overwhelmed by how messy it was and didn’t know where to start. I asked my mom to help me and she said, “Tara, why don’t you make a list?” I didn’t know how to spell so I drew pictures of the things I needed to pick up. Some items of clothing, a book, a Barbie doll, Mrs. Beasley (of course I wore her glasses while I was cleaning), some little dishes and a nicely made bed. I used crayons, it was colorful and I thought it was the prettiest list I had ever seen.

The fact is… yeah, I was probably was stalling. However, since I took the time to make this pretty little list, I enjoyed looking at it I was able to check off as I went. I could see my progress and when I picked up something that wasn’t on the list, like the magnetized alphabet shapes, I put it on the list so that I could cross that off too. I wanted to see what I had accomplished. And this list made me smile every time I looked at it.

My mom told me when I was done with my work, I could play. She followed that with, if I took something out to play with, I should put it away before taking out a new toy. Oh how I enjoyed playing in a clean room. I felt good that my mom was pleased with what a good job I had done. I had more room to play and everything was in its place. I also had more freedom, because I knew if I got it done fast, I would be able to play for a longer period of time.

There were several things I learned from this that I carry with me to this day.

1. A sense of accomplishment- If it’s not on my list, I don’t get it done. It was pointed out later to me by my business coach, Jim Larson that being overwhelmed is a common thing and since lists work for me, use them to my advantage. It was at that point I fully embraced my love of lists. Thank you Jim!!!!!

2. Efficiency- By adding on to my list, items that weren’t there before, I was able to come up with a permanent list that I could use each time I cleaned my room. I still have lists that I use over and over. I don’t cross things off those lists. I just put a pencil dot when it’s complete, so it can easily be erased and then reused.

3. Freedom- If I get the list done (the work part), I can play. Playing is of course different for me now than it was when I was 4. But the idea is still the same. And yes, sometimes… the playing would be considered by some as work. But hey, it’s my list… and that’s just how I roll! ((big smile))

So what does all of this have to do with The Once Timid Networker? Well, to be honest a lot. When I am going to a networking function, I have a list of things I need to have along with me (Paper, pen, calendar and business cards). As a Once Timid Networker, I used to think the only thing I needed was my business cards. But as I became more comfortable with networking, I added things to my list to include the other items (there’s that permanent list again). When I’m speaking at a BNI chapter, I have a list of other items I need to have with me. When I go to a conference, it’s a different list.

Are you a list maker? What do you enjoy about them? If not, is there a task that you struggle with? Try making a list and see if that helps you get it done faster?

Yes, I do love lists. They help me get things done and that feels so good! They help me look professional, because I am prepared. And using them allows me more freedom to do what I really want to do!

Tara Schmakel
The Once Timid Networker
Executive Chair- Entrepreneurial Excellence Business Forum- Minneapolis
The Workroom at Tara's

Go With Your Gut

Have you ever had that feeling in your gut that tells you that you NEED to do something? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s that unrelenting, urging in your soul to move you forward to do something. It may be something you feel very good about but it could also be something that you may be feeling a little trepidation. Regardless, you are moved to act.

Last January, I had a gut feeling that I needed to go to Miami Beach for Get Connected 2010. Financially, it was not a super time for me to leave. But I had made a promise to the organizers Beth and LuAnn that I would come to help out and I really wanted to keep my word. I wanted to hold true to myself and the promise I had made. I was in fact excited to hear and learn from the speaker lineup and knew I would walk away with some fantastic ideas that would improve the success of my business. So, I went.

The benefits I received from attending this event were beyond my wildest dreams and to this day the transformation that I experienced is indescribable. Yes, it was fun but more importantly, it changed my life.

One of the people I was able to get to know better was Frank De Raffele. He was kind and interested in my business but also me as a person and as a peer.

Fast forward to few months later… Frank announced the launch of an Entrepreneurial Excellence Business Forum in Florida. I read about it and thought to myself, wouldn’t it be great to have the kinds of conversations I had with Frank in Miami on a monthly basis! His ideas were out of the box and in my opinion brilliant! So, I asked him, what it would take to get one of those here in Minnesota?

I’m proud to say, last night was the launch of the Entrepreneurial Excellence Business Forum here in Minneapolis.

As a Once Timid Networker, this is something that I would never have dreamed possible. If I wouldn’t have gone with my gut 6 months ago, I wouldn’t be standing here today beaming from the success of last night. I wouldn’t have the opportunity I had last night, to help the 28 people that were in the room to strive for new goals that could change their life. And I certainly wouldn’t have the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment that I feel today for reaching beyond what was comfortable for me.

Is your gut telling you something? Is your soul pushing you towards something that’s out of your comfort zone? Are you feeling like there is something more for you, a larger picture? Or, have you made a promise to yourself that you feel the desire to stay true to?

Why not take steps today. Move forward and be true to yourself. Yes, some things may seem a bit like a gamble. Some things you may not know the outcome until you do it. But the thing is, you won’t know until you try. Go with your gut!

Tara Schmakel
The Workroom at Tara's
Entrepreneurial Excellence

Could you be like Wayne?

I’ve been a member of BNI (Business Network International) for 5 ½ years. I was very timid and scared at my chapter meetings but knew I was where I needed to be to grow my business. As much as I loved my meetings, I also disliked them. It was not in my nature to talk to people I didn’t know. On my 30 minute drive, I would practice the commercial I had prepared but I would also think those thoughts that are so destructive. One of them being, who will I talk to? What if nobody talks to me?? By the time I arrived at the meeting, I was sick to my stomach with anxiety.

As a Once Timid Networker, I would arrive and put my things down at the seat I had selected then scan the room for the nearest escape, the coffee and treats, and a possible friendly face. Wayne would always catch my eye and wave across the room to me. He was and older gentleman with a very kind eyes and a warm smile. He was so friendly and I realized I could always go to his side and he would welcome me into the conversation. There were a few times I tried to go to another circle but ended up feeling more ridiculous than I did already, since although they acknowledged my presence, they didn’t include me. I grew to absolutely loath “Open Networking” and it was a nightmare if Wayne wasn’t there.

Fast forward about a year. My friend Kevin Snow (and now fellow Director) asked me to fill in for him at a group who was in the process of becoming a BNI chapter. Looking back, he must have been desperate for help and I must have been on cold medication! I have no idea why he asked me or why I said yes (lol). He handed me a sheet of paper that said something like “Mentoring checklist”. I put on my best pretend-a-ambassador face and went to teach this group about being a mentor and what it could mean to a new member.

As I prepared for this and researched the material for this presentation, it touched my heart and stirred my soul because I realized that I was not the only one who felt scared at their initial BNI meetings. I reflected on the way that Wayne had treated me. His warmth and how he always seemed happy to see me. He was approachable and made me feel as though I belonged there at that meeting. When I had a question, I knew I could ask him. When there were trainings coming up, he asked if I would like to join the group who was going. I realized, what if every member had their own version of my friend Wayne?

Shortly after that, I became and ambassador with the sole purpose of teaching chapters the value of the mentor program. We have researched and modified the program and have developed a system that is incredible and that our region is very proud of.

My point is, take the time. Whether it’s at your BNI chapter or any other social function and find that lost soul. The person who won’t make eye contact and is wringing their hands. The one standing (or sitting) at their seat. They are looking for a reason to get the heck out of there! Give them a reason to stay. Help them to feel comfortable and at ease. You may be giving them something that they have never experienced before. You might be pivotal in their success. You might be the one, who makes a difference for that person. I haven’t seen Wayne in years, but I hope he realizes how he helped me. Without him, I may have left the group and never become the Once Timid Networker.

Become a Mentor.

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's