Tools and Networking- Part 2

Our last post discussed tools we use to improve our networking and social activities. I talked about that little green stick and how it made my coffee drinking experience better for travel and delivery. It kept my beverage true by keeping it hot and it definitely made a lasting impression.
How can we make our networking experience better?

First impressions are the most important. Another person decides within seconds what their impression of you is. Most of us want to make a good first impression and for those who don’t want to, this probably isn’t the article you are looking for ((big smile)). That said, if we are looking to make a good impression there are several things that a person takes note of before they will open up to you mentally. We all have different things we look at but since I’m the one writing this, I will tell you what I see first!

A person’s smile.

If a new acquaintance smiles at me with a true, friendly smile- you know the kind where your eyes squint in the corners, I am almost always taken by that person! I don’t think I’m unique in that perception either.

Look at how the human race responds to a smile? You can’t help but smile when you see a baby and our goal is almost always to try to get that little one to smile. A child’s smile is beautiful with the innocence they have in their hearts and minds. And I must say when I’ve been able to make the most surly teenager smile, I feel as if I’ve won the prize of the day!

As adults, stresses take over and some people almost stop smiling. There was a cashier at my local grocery store that NEVER smiled. My daughter, Phia and I made it a goal to warm her to us so that we could see her smile. It took a few months but what a beautiful smile she had. Now, she smiles when she sees us coming.

It’s true, the expression on your face is one of the first things a person sees. There have been countless songs written about smiling. As much as I got burned out on the soundtrack of Annie when I was a little girl, the song is true. You’re never fully dressed without a smile!

So try it. Next time you are in a situation when you are around people, try smiling. It can make the coldest person warm to you and put the most timid person at ease. Ask me how I know…

((Big Smile))


Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara’s and The Once Timid Networker

The green Starbucks stick and Networking?

I would like to tell you about one of my favorite, coolest, simplest inventions. The little green stick you get at Starbucks. I have no idea what it is really called, but I love them! For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s a green plastic stick that fits perfectly into the opening on the cup cover. It has the Starbucks logo on the top. And it’s absolutely ingenious!

The first time I saw one, I was visiting my Aunt Val in Florida. She took us out for a cup and then asked if I had “ever seen one of these before?” I hadn’t and then she told me they were in the experimental stages and gave me a few. I took the extras home and put them in my car. I used and washed and reused. I loved how much easier this tool had made my coffee drinking experience.

Travel was easier because I could walk as well as drive without the coffee spilling out, either on me or my car(I hate when that happens). Delivery to a friend was easier because not only did it keep the beverage from splashing out, it also kept it hot! Yes, such a great tool!!

About four or five months later, I saw them here in Minnesota at my own favorite Starbucks location. I asked for one and they were surprised I knew what they were since they had just received them. I told them about the great impression this little item had made on me and then proceeded to sing its praises. I’m not really sure what they thought of me when I left but I didn’t care, I loved the new look of my cup!

I was removing one from my coffee lid the other day, still appreciating the value of this little tool. I smiled to myself, did a little dance in my head for the sheer coolness of it and then inspiration hit me! I thought about how we use tools to deliver our message when we network. Things that make a lasting impression, like that little green stick. What tools do you use tools to make your “delivery” easier? If you think about it, there are many at our disposal. Some are leveraged without even thinking about it, others that are very well planned out!

The next few posts will focus on specific tools, how we can use it to our benefit as well as a few things to avoid.

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's

What does Music have to do with Networking?

Do you ever feel the need to get yourself going? You may feel as though you just need that push to do what you have to do, something behind you. We all have different tools that we use for just that. One of my favorites is the theme song. I didn’t realize that’s what I called until recently viewing a DVD.


We’ve been getting Ally McBeal on our Netflix and have been enjoying reliving the show. The other night we watched and episode where Ally was struggling with something. Her therapist gave her an assignment- find a theme song. She was to summon this song in her mind when she was in the situation she was struggling with. In true Ally McBeal form, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I have a theme song!!


I thought back to when I first started hearing that song, wondering if it came from the show. But, I realized I’ve been doing a form of that my whole life. When I was growing up, we watched musicals whenever they would come on TV. When we got a VCR, we were able to finally watch them whenever we wanted and some, we watched on a regular basis. We also had the albums for our favorite musicals and so I would listen to the records as well. I always wished a person could sing their way through situations like they did in the movies, it sounded so much nicer than just the quiet thoughts in my head, the timid thoughts.


Music moves us all in different ways, it’s composed that way. Think of the range of emotions a person can feel from music even when there are no words. Now, put words to that music and you have something even more. Music and conjure up style and class, be invigorating or calming or can even move you to tears. Some music is sexy and sultry and others are playful and happy. Find what moves you to accomplish what you struggle with.


You can do what I do and have different songs for different things. Or just have one that does it all. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, just make it work for you. As a Once Timid Networker, I cant tell you how many times I've used a theme song to psych myself up before an event. I hear it over and over and I become more confident, I am able to achieve my goal. Find your theme song and see how it helps you!

Weddings and Networking

Friday was my daughter Phia’s wedding. It was simple, beautiful and they are both so happy to be together. What does this have to do with this blog? Well, the room was filled to capacity, which means there were at least 250 people there. Most of them I knew or recognized but there were still quite a few I didn’t know. I think you know where I’m going with this…

At one time, I would have been overwhelmed by the amount of people. I would have sat down at my table with the rest of my family and waited for people to come to me. I would have felt bad later that I was unable to talk to as many people as I would have liked to and wished I wasn’t so shy. I definitely would have danced a lot because it would appear that I was too busy having fun to converse. And I would have justified it to myself by saying that I was throwing the party so I could dance if I wanted to. Yes, the Men without Hats song would have been running through my head!

Well, as a Once Timid Networker, that’s what I COULD have done.

Friday night was different though. I wasn’t thinking of myself and my own comfort, I was astounded by all of the people who came and were there because they loved Paul and Phia and wanted to share the moment with them. All I could think about was how I wanted to thank all of these guests for coming and being a part of their lives and my heart moved me to do so.

I reflected on the evening the next morning over my coffee and then throughout the weekend. I realized that Networking is sometimes a social event and often I would find myself at these events sitting at a table and waiting for people to come to me. I realized that the key to my ability to thank as many people as I could Friday night, was because I wasn’t thinking of myself. My goal was to show appreciation for those who came and make sure our guests were comfortable and taken care of.

So at your next networking event or social gathering, try shifting the focus. Think of the other people in the room. Do they look comfortable? Do they know anyone there? If not, introduce them to someone they may have something in common with. Show them around and if you are unfamiliar with your surroundings, invite them to come along as you explore where everything is. Helping others to feel relaxed and comfortable feels good, it gives you confidence and helps you to feel good about yourself.

I wasn’t able to get to every person in the room Friday night, but I can honestly say that I thanked as many people as time would allow and I was happy that I felt at ease! Congratulations to my sweet Phia and to my new Son-in-law, Paul!

Tara Schmakel-The Workroom at Tara's

The Rescuer

Yesterday I saved a pretty little turtle who was trying to cross the very busy road I live on. I saw it crossing and felt the need to go help. But there were cars racing by and I cringed each time one would pass, for fear it would run over that scared little turtle. I waited for the right moment, ran into the street and grabbed it by its shell. I got to the other side of the road and placed it over by some wetlands that are nearby. I felt so good that when I got back into my house, I had to post it on Facebook!

I haven’t been able to quit thinking about it though. But today I figured out why. I could relate to that little turtle. It had a goal, to get to the other side of the road. It was taking the steps to accomplish that goal but was having a hard time reaching it. It would take a few slow steps but then a car would race over it and it would start to turn around to come back. It was as if fear was making it turn back even though the goal was in sight.

As a Once Timid Networker, I used to go to networking events just like that turtle. I had the goal, I knew what to do, but as soon as I was surrounded by other networkers racing around, exchanging business cards, making appointments in their calendars, and talking to others I would get nervous and overwhelmed and fear would take over. At times, I even tried to head back to the door just so I could get away. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever observed someone feeling that way?

Like that turtle, I needed a rescuer, someone to help me reach my goal. I began to realize that if I could be open and honest with a trusted friend or two, they could be my rescuers and help me when I needed it. At first I was their shadow. I stayed close and met the people they met and moved on when they moved on. I observed every detail, the questions they asked, what they did with the business cards they collected, even their body language. I wanted to be as comfortable as they were and move through the room effortlessly, like they did.

It became easier and gradually I would move away to talk to someone but then come back to my rescuers side. I would make it a goal to venture out and try to meet one new person. The next time I wanted to meet two new people. I did this over a period of time and then one day I realized something changed.

A few months ago I went to a networking event. My rescuers were there and I waved across the room to them when I arrived. I looked around the room and got my bearings but I didn’t rush to my rescuers’ side. Instead I looked for the new person, the timid one, the one who was overwhelmed and paralyzed in the middle of the room. They had their goal, which was why they were there, but they were eyeing the door with that all too familiar gaze. I wanted to help them feel at ease the way my rescuers had helped me.

When I left that night, I realized I never did share more than a sentence or two with my rescuer friends. I missed them and felt bad because being by their side had become such a habit. But I also realized I had grown. They had helped me cross the busy road. They had helped me reach my goal. For that I am so grateful. To my rescuers, Chad and Steve, thank you so much.

Now please excuse me, I’m off to go look for more turtles…

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's

It's what you do NEXT that counts!

Have you ever done something you regretted? Maybe you said or did the wrong thing? More than likely it was unintentional. Growing up, of course we make mistakes. One time when I was quite a bit younger, I had exercised rather poor judgment. When I talked to my mom about it, she said something that has stuck with me until this day. She said, “Tara, you made a mistake. But it’s what you do next that counts.” I live by those words. In fact it is my all time favorite quote.

There was such wisdom in my mother’s words because she knew me better than I knew myself at the time. She knew that I would withdraw. She also knew that I was a perfectionist and that in my eyes what I had done amounted to failure. She helped me see beyond what I had done. Those words helped me to look forward instead of back.

Sometimes we do something minor and sometimes it huge. Regardless, people handle things differently. At times we can become paralyzed by our actions. We may feel overwhelmed and instead of taking those “Baby Steps” we don’t do anything and that can make it even larger than it needs to be. Remember that any movement is progress.

Is there something that is paralyzing you right now? Do you feel hindered by something? Remember, it’s what you do next that counts. Break it down into steps. For those that know me, know that I am partial to making lists. If I can see my task broken down and itemized and then placed in order, I am able to think clearer and can see one thing at a time to make the progress needed. I even add things on to the list that I may have forgotten. As I cross things off, I am able to celebrate my successes. That celebration moves me to the next item on my list. It gives me energy to see the steps crossed off and instead of being paralyzed I am fueled to move forward.

As a once timid networker, becoming paralyzed used to be a regular thing, but now I know when I hit a bump that threatens to slow my progress, I make a list. And every time I cross something off I say, “It’s what you do next that counts”!

The Tiara Experiment

I have a soft place in my heart for mentoring. I wanted to take a moment to tell you about one of mine.

Four years ago, I was attending training to be an Assistant Director for BNI. My role within the organization was to support chapters and to help them grow their businesses and chapters through word of mouth marketing with regular chapter visits. I was very nervous because as a timid networker, I was still borrowing the belief of others. I truly thought I was there by mistake. But I wanted to learn as much as I could before they figured out who I REALLY was. I somehow thought they had missed the fact that I was so incredibly nervous every time I had to speak in public!

Sue Henry took me aside one day after training and she told me that she thought I was going to be a good director and that she believed in me. I think I remember feeling very uncomfortable by the attention but I also liked it and thought she was so kind to be so nice to me. She then told me two things that have stuck with me until this day and I attribute my comfort with speaking to these two things.

She first asked me if I knew the song “I whistle a happy tune” from The King and I. She then with her lovely, soothing voice started to sing the words…

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect-I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows-I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

By the time she was done, I was in silent tears. It was as if she read my mind. My chest felt so tight as I held back the sob. I was afraid and I didn’t want people to notice me because I didn’t want them to see through me. I decided that I was hindering myself with my disbelief in who I was and I realized my body language was part of it. I needed to stand up straight with my head up and smile a confident smile.

She next told me a story about Princess Diana and how she had watched Diana change from a timid princess to a woman of power before her death. It was as if she received confidence from that lovely tiara. Sue then told me how she would pretend to put on a tiara before she would speak. She found she stood up taller and had more confidence in herself. She encouraged me to do this exercise as well. What she didn’t know was that I had always wanted a tiara!! In fact I thought they were so pretty with their sparkles but didn’t think I had ever done anything to warrant one. I immediately “put one on”.

I will tell you, it worked! Sue had given me a reason to have the most beautiful tiara I’ve ever seen… even if it was only in my own head. Since that time, as a Once Timid Networker, I’ve acquired a collection of beautiful virtual tiaras!!

My now very dear friend and mentor Sue, has coined this beautiful empowering exercise, “The Tiara Experiment”. Her goal is to touch 1 million lives this year. If you could use a tiara or know someone who could, by all means take one of mine, I’ll share! Please, visit her website and help me tell others about Sue and her Tiara.
http://suehenrytalks.com/tiara_experiment.php