Extreme Weather and Extreme Networking

I believe this spring will be known for it's strange weather. Hail the size of golf balls. Tornados wiping out whole cities, heat that is debilitating and then even cool weather in contrast. It’s been very strange weather indeed. Does it affect your networking efforts?

Obviously when we are in the middle of severe weather, it definitely will affect our efforts. I was thinking about the weather and how it can affect our plans and efforts and then I thought about people.

People network different ways. Are any of them wrong? Some may suggest they are. However we do know that different methods of communication appeal to different types of people. My imagination got the best of me and I began to see the different weather as different networking styles.

Hail/Snow- These are the people who smother you with cards, leaflets, brochures, and flyers. Oh and here’s some more for your friends! You go back to your office with piles and bags of stuff. You intend to look at it and maybe you do. However if a relationship is lacking the information doesn’t really sink in, just sits there on the surface.

Tornados/Hurricanes- This networker will blast you with postal mail, email campaigns, social media invites, even some that you’ve never even heard of. This person is definitely visible however they never reach out to you in person, they just tear apart your mailboxes with their invites and information. Yet a relationship is once again, lacking.

Extreme Heat/ Cool Temperature- You attend a networking event, business or social. These networkers will approach you, “Nice to meet you. We should get together. Here’s my card!” You feel as though this was a fantastic connection and you are excited to get to know each other and find out how you can more efficiently help each other. However at the next event a week or two later, they don’t “recognize” you and when you approach them, they are too busy with the person they just met, almost saying the same things they said to you.

Rain- Now this person really connects with you. They like you and they want to be your new best friend. They dominate your time and won’t let you get away from them. Not only that, since you have “become fast friends”, they begin to share all their personal and private information. Possibly more than you were interested in knowing. The relationship has only begun but now you’ve been soaked with details. These details are commonly known as TMI and they may even hinder your relationship from going any further.

Humidity- They are hot for you and your business. You know the one, right? They are pointing at you with their pistol formed hands that pretend to shoot you as they wink and flash that smile! They don’t let you talk, they just tell you that they are the answer to all your problems. They give you a “Here’s my card, call me Hun!” as they walk away shooting and winking again. Not necessarily the connection you were trying to make…

Dry- You have met this person once or twice and you even like them, however their contact with you is sporadic. They are irregular in answering phone calls and emails as in sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. But then every once in a while, you get some from of marketing from them. A newsletter, a flyer in the mail… Ooooo! they just posted on twitter for the first time in two years! The connection could work but there is no regularity. The relationship becomes dry.

Yes, these are extreme descriptions but forgive me, we’ve had extreme weather and I’m in an extreme mood. ((Big smile)) There is nothing wrong with the essence of what they are doing. It’s just the superlative degree in which they are doing it makes their efforts less productive.

Now imagine if you will your idea of a perfect day, the one that’s perfectly balanced for you. Yes, we all have different preferences and that is why all of the different forms of networking can be efficient. However extreme weather or extreme networking often leaves the recipient of these efforts, hollow and empty and possibly even skeptical. Finding the perfect balance will increase your networking productivity as well as your return on your investment.

Have you ever met one of our extreme networkers? I’d love to hear your story!

Tara Schmakel

The Once timid Networker

Entrepreneurial Excellence

The Once Timid Networker's Special Announcement

This Once Timid Networker is about to launch her way into another world of Networking. When I began this blog my soul purpose was to help two types of people, the timid or shy person and the person working with that timid person.

I’ve tried to give tips and pointers about things that helped me. I wanted to help others break out of that box like I had and network in a much more comfortable and in turn effective way.

The feedback I’ve received about these articles, have been overwhelming, to say the least. I had no idea that it would have far reaching effects and that people all over the world would be helped or inspired by the stories that were published. However, true to form in the Tara way, I wanted to make it better. That is why I’m thrilled to announce the launch of “The Once Timid Networker Radio Show”! Cue a marching band, streamers and confetti and a little party in my head!

How in the world did this happen you might wonder, especially if you have known both versions of me. Well, it began at one of my first Entrepreneurial Excellence Business Forums, last summer. We worked on a marketing idea with the sky as the limit and money as no object. One of my personal ideas was having a Radio show that fed a TV program that traveled the world interviewing and helping other people who were either timid or once were timid. I put the thought in my book and continued to move forward with things that were within reach. However there is a reason I write things down… so I won’t forget.

A few months later my very dear friend Jim Bear called me telling me his wonderful news that he would be launching his own radio show helping the 55+ who were looking for work. The show would have the same title as the seminars he had been successfully teaching called, “You Can Get Hired”. I was absolutely THRILLED for him and saw how his program would be so helpful to so many.

He then said, “Tara, I think you should have a show and it should be about networking.” Jim has been a friend of mine since I was timid. He is a respectful, kind and gentle person who has always had very nice words of encouragement, seemingly when I needed them most. I respect and admire Jim and I trust him implicitly. However, this time, I chuckled (remembering the idea written in my book) and thanked him for his kind words that made the back of my neck and my cheeks hot and I think I may have tried to change the subject.

Almost exactly a month and a half later the idea came back to me and Jim’s words were loud in my head. I called him and said, did you really mean that when you said it?? He confirmed his previous thoughts and I started making a list!! Over the next few days I refined my list and Jim was right there with his encouragement, cheering me on with the idea that had become a fire inside of me.

Then Jim offered to say a few words on my behalf to Pamela Muldoon, the Producer of the Next Stage Business Radio Network, which was where his program is produced and aired. It worked.

Pamela and I met for coffee not long after and what I thought would maybe be an hour and a half turned into about 4 hours. I was ecstatic that she liked my idea. We hit it off famously and one idea sparked another! As we sat in the Coffee shop that day, I wondered if the other people sitting there with their beverages had any idea that right there at that moment someone’s dreams were coming true… It was incredible.

And so, I’m pleased to announce that April 20^th, my first show will air. The hour long program will be an easy going conversation with other storytellers on the topic of networking. It will include tips and tricks as well as some humor, of course!

I warmly invite you to listen in. I’d just love to have you there with me!!

Tara Schmakel

The Once Timid Networker- Writer and Radio Personality (HUGE smile!)

The Networking Mechanic

As any little girl, I would vie for my dads attention. I thought if I knew “stuff” about the “stuff” he was interested in, it would make him take an interest in me and be proud. My mom always taught me to “be interested in others and they will be interested in you”. To show my interest, I would play with my dad’s tools. Not like play, play, but organize play. I loved tidying his work bench in the garage and he had given me permission to do that whenever I wanted.

One day after “playing with dads tools” I noticed that my hands were quite dirty. I reasoned on this and at the tender age of 9, I deduced that I was a mechanic. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, mechanics hands were always dirty and black. My Dad’s hands were always dirty and black after he came in from the garage and my hands were now dirty too. Ah, the logic of a 9 year old!

Being the achiever that I was, I thought it would make me a better mechanic if my hands were dirtier. My eyes scanned the garage for something that would do the job for me and rested on my new bicycle. It was a Huffy 10 speed that was a bit big for me, but it was bright yellow and it had the curved handlebars that proved, it was a big kids bike.

I decided I would test my mechanic skills. I got out the tools and loosened and tightened multiple bolts and nuts. This in effect changed the height or position of my handlebars and/or seat which after moving returned to the original positions. However, my hands weren’t quite dirty enough. In fact some of the dirtiness had rubbed off. I wanted to prove, not only to myself but also to my dad, that I was a mechanic with the dirty hands to prove it.

With frustration I looked around the garage again and then back at my bike. I was disappointed! So close (since I felt like a mechanic) and yet I didn’t have what I considered proof that I was (dirty hands) truly a mechanic. Being the optimistic person that I am though, my mind started racing and trying to figure out how to reach my goal.

And then it hit me… The chain.

This new bike’s chain was fascinating to me since I had gone from a single speed bike to a 10 speed. The chain was oily and so were the gears (I secretly thought they were beautiful). I realized I could remove the chain, see how this new bike worked with all those notched circles that were so perfectly placed and most of all, accomplish my goal- dirty hands.

This childhood dilemma is so similar to that of networkers today! They feel so close since they are a networker, but yet so far from reaching their goal by receiving business from it. When you are networking do you franticly look for your quantifiable results and then when they don’t happen right away, walk away defeated and disappointed? Are you open to new opportunities to learn? Are you looking for situations that will help you accomplish your goal?

There are a few simple ways that you can make the most of your networking mechanics.

1. Keep your eyes open for opportunities even if they don’t seem to be the answer you’re looking for immediately. You can always learn something and increase your knowledge.
2. Use your skills and learn along the way. If you aren't learning, you’re regressing. I learned a lot about gears that day that would help me later. Yet I still could say I accomplished my ultimate, quantifiable goal.
3. Have the tools you need handy. Business cards, your calendar and your smile are the most important!

Remember, the “feeling” you get from stepping outside the box in your mind is very satisfying. You grow, you learn and you’ve only just begun to achieve your potential.

I’m not by any means a mechanic, but I really thought I was, and to this day take pride in enjoying learning how things work. There is much more to networking than just handing someone a card and saying let’s get together. It’s also more than sitting down with someone and showing them what you can do to ease their “pain”. It’s about creating the relationship FIRST, sincerely. Trust me, I knew my bike well, before I could actually reach what I called success. I learned all about it and how it moved and worked but only THEN did my hands get black.

When I came in with my dirty hands and smudged face that afternoon, my mom asked what I had been doing. As I rubbed my black greasy hands together, I proudly answered, “I was just workin’ on my bike”. My mom’s blue eyes sparkled and as she smiled she said, “You’ve always been mechanical, Tara”.

How's the Weather?

So many conversations start with the topic of the weather. It doesn’t matter the season, it’s always one of the number 1 topics of discussion. Recently here in Minnesota we have had several different types of weather. We have had warm and cold. We have had snow, rain, ice and mud. All of these are great conversation starters including the commonly used, “Is it (insert hot or cold here) enough for ya?” Whatever the answer is it doesn’t lead to much weight in the conversation.

We have about 7 seconds to make a first impression. Do we want our opening line to sound like a cliché or would it be better to start a conversation with some forethought and something of substance?

So here is a list of a few non cliché phrases that you can use to start a meaningful conversation*-

• What do you like best about what you do?
• You mentioned that you were in (Industry). What got you started in that direction?
• Where else do you usually network?
• What are some of your biggest challenges?

And my VERY favorite of all time…

• How can I help you?

Small talk is one thing but when you are trying to have meaningful conversations with people that stimulate more conversation or even a meeting at a later date, we want to take an interest in the other person. People in general have one common topic that is their favorite… themselves. It’s not out of selfishness. It’s truly because they are an expert on the topic. Give them a chance to share their expertise. When they realize that you are interested in them, they will take an interest in you. You begin to establish trust with your conversation partner. With trust we are able to begin to build a relationship with that person.

So next time you are with a person you’ve never met before, leave the weather out of it and go for the depth and meaningful conversation. You will make the other person feel comfortable, at ease and possibly begin a new relationship. Because really, isn’t that why we network in the first place?

*Questions taken from Networking Like a Pro by Dr. Ivan Misner

Rowing Through Mud

2010 kicked my butt! I had every intention of it being the BEST YEAR EVER and yet the things that I thought were solid were fluid.

I set my goals, I got a fantastic coach, I started a new business and began writing a blog. I also commenced writing a book as well as got asked to be a contributing author to another. My beautiful daughter got married and I now have a wonderful new son added to my family. I was able to travel more than I had in my life and had a wonderful vacation with some very dear “new” friends. I moved into a new home that I embraced with all its imperfections. I reconnected with friends I hadn’t known for years! I made some new friends that will be in my life forever. I had doors and opportunities placed in front of me that were beyond my imagination. And I have a family that is so dear and wonderful, words can’t express the depth of emotion I feel. For all these things, I am truly grateful.

I also had so many bad things happen that it made every day a challenge. I’m not talking, I’ve had a bad day and I’m a little fussy. I’m talking tragic, horrific and ugly. When my Doctor asked me how I had been and what was going on in my life since I had seen her last, I said, “Oh, you know, pretty much everything stayed the same…” And then one by one, I mentioned some of the things that had happened in the last year. When I finished, I was a little emotional. She reached over and squeezed my hand and gently said, “It sounds like you’ve been through hell”. I laughed through the tears that quietly fell and said “But isn’t everyone going through things like this or something like it?”

It’s true, we all have challenges that we could use as an excuse to just lie down. But as my mom always says, the things we experience make us the people we are. I have another friend who says, “rub some dirt on it and get back in there”. Last year, I didn’t want to “get back in there”. I was tired. However, I believe a person is a victim only if they want to be. I refused to be a victim and I fought hard, with every fiber of my being and I got back in there!

Why am I sharing this? If you know me at all or see me on Facebook, you know I am in no way a complainer. In fact… I despise complaining ((big smile)). I do know, however that I’m not the only person who had a “hard year”. I’ve heard it over and over again from people I know and even those I’ve barely met.

The purpose for this post is twofold. One, it’s a growing experience for me. A cleansing exercise, if you will. I don’t share my down days except with those who are VERY close to me. I think I can count them on one hand. As a Once Timid Networker, sharing anything about me would have been a struggle or I would have refrained completely. Thank you for allowing me the venue to grow.

Two, most importantly, I want to share what helped me, in hopes it can help someone else.

So here’s my list of things that will help when your day feels like mud and you’re trying to paddle through it to get to your destination.

1. Count your blessings- Sometimes taking stock of what good things are happening makes the bad things diminish, or at least give you a new perspective. I gave you my partial list at the beginning of this post. I mentioned the big things. However sometimes all you have to count are the small things, like witnessing a sunrise, a pen that WORKS, a smile from a stranger, a hug from a child, or a text from a friend. And one of my favorites, that first sip of coffee.

2. Find delight in small things- see above

3. Notice others- Everyone has problems, be a support for them. This helps us forget about the negative things going on in our own lives, if only for a few moments. Don’t just leave it at that either. Ask how you can help them. Check in on them regularly and give assistance to them. Even if it’s an ear for support.

4. Smile- A true eye squinting smile. A smile can help so much. It makes you feel better, it makes the people around you feel better and it releases endorphins that help your immune system and fight depression. You can be happy and improve your health!

5. Have a confidant that you can vent to- This is not the same as complaining or whining. This is factual release. This is not to imply that you talk to multiple people about all the things that are happening to you and venting to anyone who will listen. Or heaven forbid, post all your garbage on Facebook or Twitter. I’m talking about letting one or two people know what’s really going on so that they can “have your back” (see the book Who’s Got Your Back- Keith Ferazzi). This is so they can check in with you and be your support when it’s too much to take. For those who helped me through last year, you know who you are, I’m eternally grateful. I don’t know where I would be without your love, compassion, hugs and listening ears. Thank you.

6. Move on- Dwelling on the past is unproductive. You can’t turn back time to change it so why bother with the “what if’s” or “if only’s”. By looking backwards you keep bringing that negativity on yourself. If you noticed, I refrained from making a list of all the yucky stuff, and you all know how much I love a good list! But here’s the deal, list’s are made so you can remember something. Keep a list of the successes instead.

These are just a few things that helped me last year. But they have been great habits that I have used to continually keep myself in check. Little by little the mud goes away. Eventually you will find yourself in a lovely place again, whatever that may be for you. As I look around my life now, I see the mud receding and drying up. Is it all gone? By no means. However, I’ve come prepared and this year I intend to outsmart the mud!

The "Sparkle Factor"

I was born and raised in Alaska. It’s common knowledge that there is gold in Alaska and you can find it if you know where to look and if you have patience. When I was a little girl, my dad would bring me fishing along the Kenai River and he would often tell me to look for gold. He said if I could find some, I could keep it.

So as any little girl who loved Barbie’s and dress up, I would look for shiny, sparkly things along the water’s edge. Sometimes I would run my hand through the water gently stirring the silt at the bottom of the river looking for a glimmer something. I would see that “shine” through the water and I would get goose bumps. My heart would pound and my palms would sweat. My breathing would become rapid and I could think about nothing else except focusing on finding that object sparkling in the water. I had to be careful so I wouldn’t fall into the river and sometimes I needed to figure out a way to get to the Sparkle since it wasn’t always within my reach. But that didn’t stop me because each time I saw something glimmer in the water, I was convinced that it was the treasure I was seeking and I wouldn’t know for sure unless I tried to get it.

I found lots of shiny things, fishing lures, hooks, candy wrappers and lost or broken pieces of jewelry, but I never found gold. In retrospect, I realize my dad was giving me a project for the day so he could enjoy his day of salmon fishing. I do look back on those days with fondness. I collected piles of sparkly items that we usually threw away when we were done. But, I loved the hunt and I loved the idea of what could possibly be found and to this day I have an addiction for sparkle. In fact I sometimes refer to it (tongue in cheek of course) as my favorite color.

Do you have something that you just know is “IT”? You feel it in your bones and it gives you goose bumps? Do your palms sweat and your heart beats faster? Does your breathing become rapid and you find your mind drifting and then focusing on “IT”?

That’s your “Sparkle Factor”.

It makes your eyes shine and your heart sing and when you talk about it you sparkle from the inside out. It can be something tangible but it can also be a goal, a business idea, even a person. Whatever it is for you, use it to your advantage and run with it. Sometimes it’s out of immediate reach and we have to find a way to reach or achieve it but don’t lose your focus. If you don't try, it could become a missed opportunity.

When I have a sparkly idea or plan it becomes part of me and I’m driven to accomplish it no matter what it takes or how hard it is to reach. “Sparkle” is something that makes my heart happy and gives me joy in all its forms and I have to reach out to grab it. If I would have found gold, those summers long ago, I would have probably been a small flake or nugget of little value. "Sparkle Factor"- Priceless.

What’s yours?

Tara Schmakel
The Once Timid Networker
Entrepreneurial Excellence
The Workroom at Tara's

Distractions Are GOOD, right?

The other day I was so distracted that I could hardly focus on what I needed to accomplish for the day. I started making a list and found my mind kept wandering. I suddenly realized this was happening and decided to post it on Facebook. I asked my friend-ly community, what distracts them. Almost every person replied with a distraction that they considered a good thing under normal circumstances. They replied about their children, Facebook, the scenery outside, an event they were looking forward to and thinking of friends and family that were missed. All positive things or good things, right?

We sometimes think of distraction as a negative thing. However, I like to think that sometimes, distractions can help us accomplish what we are trying to achieve. How so you may ask?

Well how about when you go to the Doctor and you need to have blood drawn. I’ll bet most of us, turn away and think of something else besides the blood leaving our body and the prick of the needle. Or, you’re stuck in traffic on a hot summer day. Instead of focusing on the heat, the bumper to bumper traffic, you turn on the radio or an audio book. Distractions can actually help us accomplish something that we don’t necessarily want to do. By using a distraction we can take the focus off of something that feels unpleasant to us so that we able to get done what we may not want to do.

Let’s take for example an event. For whatever reason, you may be stressing over attending. Why not use distraction to make it easier. As a Once Timid Networker, I used to loath these events. I would get so anxious before that I would almost make myself physically ill. I have since learned a few “distractions” for myself to make it easier.

1. Just DO it! That’s right, don’t even think about it, just act. We can create anxiety in our minds that is worlds worse than the actuality. Be so distracted that you don’t even think about what you’re about to do. In the words of my wise mother, “Just get an attitude about it!” Trust me, it works!

2. Invite a friend along who might be a timid networker and focus on helping them instead of yourself. Helping another is a great distraction and they love you for helping them out!

3. Play music that gets you excited on your way. You will be so focused on singing your heart out in the car that you forget about where you are going. In turn you get yourself energized and ready to go. Personally, I use theme songs and I love how they distract me!!

4. Find something “shiny”. Yes, some of us can be distracted by something sparkly (ahem!) But when you find what your personal “sparkle factor” is, that thing that makes your eyes shine, you can use it to your advantage and it can actually help you accomplish your goal. (another blog to come on “The Sparkle Factor”)

5. Visualization! Visualize yourself networking like a pro around the room, talking to strangers, taking their card, introducing them to others acting the host to the event… even if you’re not. Studies show when we start thinking about helping others, we will be less stressed. See yourself acting the part. When it comes time to do it in real life, it will be very similar to what you visualized.

Let’s face it, we distract ourselves all the time. We just need to learn how to channel our efforts and use them to our advantage. Find what works for you. Use distractions to get the things done on your list that you don’t want to do. Feel the sense of accomplishment when you do it!

Tara Schmakel
The Once Timid Networker
Entrepreneurial Excellence
The Workroom at Tara's

"Tara, why don't you make a list?"

I am a list maker, through and through. I love short lists, long lists and colorful lists. Just love them!

I believe the first list I ever made was when my mom told me I needed to clean my room. I was overwhelmed by how messy it was and didn’t know where to start. I asked my mom to help me and she said, “Tara, why don’t you make a list?” I didn’t know how to spell so I drew pictures of the things I needed to pick up. Some items of clothing, a book, a Barbie doll, Mrs. Beasley (of course I wore her glasses while I was cleaning), some little dishes and a nicely made bed. I used crayons, it was colorful and I thought it was the prettiest list I had ever seen.

The fact is… yeah, I was probably was stalling. However, since I took the time to make this pretty little list, I enjoyed looking at it I was able to check off as I went. I could see my progress and when I picked up something that wasn’t on the list, like the magnetized alphabet shapes, I put it on the list so that I could cross that off too. I wanted to see what I had accomplished. And this list made me smile every time I looked at it.

My mom told me when I was done with my work, I could play. She followed that with, if I took something out to play with, I should put it away before taking out a new toy. Oh how I enjoyed playing in a clean room. I felt good that my mom was pleased with what a good job I had done. I had more room to play and everything was in its place. I also had more freedom, because I knew if I got it done fast, I would be able to play for a longer period of time.

There were several things I learned from this that I carry with me to this day.

1. A sense of accomplishment- If it’s not on my list, I don’t get it done. It was pointed out later to me by my business coach, Jim Larson that being overwhelmed is a common thing and since lists work for me, use them to my advantage. It was at that point I fully embraced my love of lists. Thank you Jim!!!!!

2. Efficiency- By adding on to my list, items that weren’t there before, I was able to come up with a permanent list that I could use each time I cleaned my room. I still have lists that I use over and over. I don’t cross things off those lists. I just put a pencil dot when it’s complete, so it can easily be erased and then reused.

3. Freedom- If I get the list done (the work part), I can play. Playing is of course different for me now than it was when I was 4. But the idea is still the same. And yes, sometimes… the playing would be considered by some as work. But hey, it’s my list… and that’s just how I roll! ((big smile))

So what does all of this have to do with The Once Timid Networker? Well, to be honest a lot. When I am going to a networking function, I have a list of things I need to have along with me (Paper, pen, calendar and business cards). As a Once Timid Networker, I used to think the only thing I needed was my business cards. But as I became more comfortable with networking, I added things to my list to include the other items (there’s that permanent list again). When I’m speaking at a BNI chapter, I have a list of other items I need to have with me. When I go to a conference, it’s a different list.

Are you a list maker? What do you enjoy about them? If not, is there a task that you struggle with? Try making a list and see if that helps you get it done faster?

Yes, I do love lists. They help me get things done and that feels so good! They help me look professional, because I am prepared. And using them allows me more freedom to do what I really want to do!

Tara Schmakel
The Once Timid Networker
Executive Chair- Entrepreneurial Excellence Business Forum- Minneapolis
The Workroom at Tara's

Go With Your Gut

Have you ever had that feeling in your gut that tells you that you NEED to do something? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s that unrelenting, urging in your soul to move you forward to do something. It may be something you feel very good about but it could also be something that you may be feeling a little trepidation. Regardless, you are moved to act.

Last January, I had a gut feeling that I needed to go to Miami Beach for Get Connected 2010. Financially, it was not a super time for me to leave. But I had made a promise to the organizers Beth and LuAnn that I would come to help out and I really wanted to keep my word. I wanted to hold true to myself and the promise I had made. I was in fact excited to hear and learn from the speaker lineup and knew I would walk away with some fantastic ideas that would improve the success of my business. So, I went.

The benefits I received from attending this event were beyond my wildest dreams and to this day the transformation that I experienced is indescribable. Yes, it was fun but more importantly, it changed my life.

One of the people I was able to get to know better was Frank De Raffele. He was kind and interested in my business but also me as a person and as a peer.

Fast forward to few months later… Frank announced the launch of an Entrepreneurial Excellence Business Forum in Florida. I read about it and thought to myself, wouldn’t it be great to have the kinds of conversations I had with Frank in Miami on a monthly basis! His ideas were out of the box and in my opinion brilliant! So, I asked him, what it would take to get one of those here in Minnesota?

I’m proud to say, last night was the launch of the Entrepreneurial Excellence Business Forum here in Minneapolis.

As a Once Timid Networker, this is something that I would never have dreamed possible. If I wouldn’t have gone with my gut 6 months ago, I wouldn’t be standing here today beaming from the success of last night. I wouldn’t have the opportunity I had last night, to help the 28 people that were in the room to strive for new goals that could change their life. And I certainly wouldn’t have the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment that I feel today for reaching beyond what was comfortable for me.

Is your gut telling you something? Is your soul pushing you towards something that’s out of your comfort zone? Are you feeling like there is something more for you, a larger picture? Or, have you made a promise to yourself that you feel the desire to stay true to?

Why not take steps today. Move forward and be true to yourself. Yes, some things may seem a bit like a gamble. Some things you may not know the outcome until you do it. But the thing is, you won’t know until you try. Go with your gut!

Tara Schmakel
The Workroom at Tara's
Entrepreneurial Excellence

Could you be like Wayne?

I’ve been a member of BNI (Business Network International) for 5 ½ years. I was very timid and scared at my chapter meetings but knew I was where I needed to be to grow my business. As much as I loved my meetings, I also disliked them. It was not in my nature to talk to people I didn’t know. On my 30 minute drive, I would practice the commercial I had prepared but I would also think those thoughts that are so destructive. One of them being, who will I talk to? What if nobody talks to me?? By the time I arrived at the meeting, I was sick to my stomach with anxiety.

As a Once Timid Networker, I would arrive and put my things down at the seat I had selected then scan the room for the nearest escape, the coffee and treats, and a possible friendly face. Wayne would always catch my eye and wave across the room to me. He was and older gentleman with a very kind eyes and a warm smile. He was so friendly and I realized I could always go to his side and he would welcome me into the conversation. There were a few times I tried to go to another circle but ended up feeling more ridiculous than I did already, since although they acknowledged my presence, they didn’t include me. I grew to absolutely loath “Open Networking” and it was a nightmare if Wayne wasn’t there.

Fast forward about a year. My friend Kevin Snow (and now fellow Director) asked me to fill in for him at a group who was in the process of becoming a BNI chapter. Looking back, he must have been desperate for help and I must have been on cold medication! I have no idea why he asked me or why I said yes (lol). He handed me a sheet of paper that said something like “Mentoring checklist”. I put on my best pretend-a-ambassador face and went to teach this group about being a mentor and what it could mean to a new member.

As I prepared for this and researched the material for this presentation, it touched my heart and stirred my soul because I realized that I was not the only one who felt scared at their initial BNI meetings. I reflected on the way that Wayne had treated me. His warmth and how he always seemed happy to see me. He was approachable and made me feel as though I belonged there at that meeting. When I had a question, I knew I could ask him. When there were trainings coming up, he asked if I would like to join the group who was going. I realized, what if every member had their own version of my friend Wayne?

Shortly after that, I became and ambassador with the sole purpose of teaching chapters the value of the mentor program. We have researched and modified the program and have developed a system that is incredible and that our region is very proud of.

My point is, take the time. Whether it’s at your BNI chapter or any other social function and find that lost soul. The person who won’t make eye contact and is wringing their hands. The one standing (or sitting) at their seat. They are looking for a reason to get the heck out of there! Give them a reason to stay. Help them to feel comfortable and at ease. You may be giving them something that they have never experienced before. You might be pivotal in their success. You might be the one, who makes a difference for that person. I haven’t seen Wayne in years, but I hope he realizes how he helped me. Without him, I may have left the group and never become the Once Timid Networker.

Become a Mentor.

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's

I was STAR STRUCK!!

I was recently at the National BNI Conference in Pittsburgh. I love these conferences because they give me energy and feed my soul. Being around other likeminded people is stimulating and I love being able to take in and learn from all of the other Directors. I’ve always felt a little like a wall flower, just observing and absorbing everything, everyone said. But something happened this time that made me feel… well, like I was a small, blossoming flower in the middle of the garden.

I had gone to Florida early for some other business training and so I missed the Author Mentoring Telebridge that I normally would have listened in on. When I got to Pittsburgh on Wednesday, I asked one of my colleagues what I had missed on the call. They then told me, “Oh it was good, we went over the articles, there were a few questions… etc. OH and Hazel talked about your blog!” My heart skipped a beat. Hazel is the one who co-anchors the call with Dr. Misner. I knew she had commented on my blog but assumed she did that for everyone in the program. “Yeah, she said we should all go check out your blog because you do a good job with it.” At first I thought he was teasing me. But when I realize he wasn’t, I couldn’t believe it!!

I approached Hazel later on and introduced myself. As a Once Timid Networker and if you have read any other entries of this blog, you can imagine the challenge that was going on inside of me. A mixture of, what if she doesn’t know who I am? What if she’s too busy to talk to me? What if I stumble all over myself? What if my friend really was teasing and she doesn’t know what I’m talking about?? Who do I think I am…This was HAZEL WALKER!! The Queen of Networking!!

But also, there was a small measure of pride at the thought that I was doing a good job and my message was being heard.

Well, I’m here to tell you, she couldn’t have been more kind. Her smile was warm, her hug was just the right amount of tightness and every time she saw me she went out of her way to say hello. Plus, she remembered my name AND how to say it!! She talked to me. We even had breakfast together and discussed directions I could take this blog that I have grown to enjoy writing so much. I was star struck!

When I left the conference, I had acquired a new mentor. Thank you sweet Hazel for all your kind words, laughs and hugs…This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's

Tools and Networking Part 3 (The Feather)

Let’s continue with our “Tools and Networking” discussion that linked back to that little green Starbucks stick. We are talking about tools that make it easier to deliver our message. The next one I would like to share is “The magic feather”.

Did you see Dumbo? Remember the part when Dumbo gets stuck in the tree and the Crows give him a magic feather that would “help” him to fly? Dumbo placed it in his little trunk and could fly! However he eventually realized that the feather was just a something to give him the confidence to do what he was capable all along. The feather wasn’t really magical, it was a tool.

Have you ever noticed that when you are wearing clothing that is clean, looks nice on you and fits properly, you carry yourself completely different? You have confidence and are not distracted by fidgeting with your clothing to make sure you “look” like you have it together. Not only that, but others are impressed with your demeanor because of how professional and confident you appear. Because of that, you are able to present and deliver your message with a greater degree of fortitude.

So, go into your closet, select a few “go to” outfits that always fit and always look nice. You may get complements when you wear them. (And silly as it may seem, this Once Timid Networker has even made notes of the particular outfits, including the accessories just so I don't have to think about it.) These are your “Magic Feathers”. If you look into your closet and can’t find a feather, bring a trusted friend shopping with you and purchase some. Or you could even hire an image consultant. You won’t be sorry.

Then next time you have an event you may be a little intimidated by, throw on a “feather”. It will give you the confidence to do what you were capable of all along… and just watch how you soar!

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara’s

The Shaking of a Hand

In January, this Once Timid Networker made a new friend, Tony Wolfe. He has become a very good friend and someone I look forward to seeing and chatting with when his name pops up on my Facebook Chat list. He is always positive and has a delightful smile and friendly voice.

Today is is my honor to have him be a "Guest" blogger for The Once Timid Networker... Thank you Tony for being inspirational and for being my friend.

Tara Schmakel, The Workroom at Tara's


I'm walking into a meeting/networking event and a bit timid because I have zero pre-existing relationships with anyone in the room. I'm the new guy. But wait, they don't know me either so that makes them the new guy to me.

I begin to roam the room hoping that an ambassador or an appointed connector will spot me and approach me to save me from my agony. It happens. A very nice lady walks directly toward me making eye contact and displaying a big smile with her outreached arm. She was walking at a fast pace directly toward me to give me a warm welcome. I'm looking forward to this. She looks fabulous and professional. I can feel her energy before she even gets to me. I extend my hand, she hers and we make that initial connection with a handshake.

We interlocked and maintained throughout the introductions. She was firm, yet gentle with the clasp of my hand. She wouldn't let go. Then, her other hand came into play. My right hand was now sandwiched between the two of hers. The usual up and down handshake protocol was in full force. I was unsure as to just when (or if) I was going to be turned loose. I wasn't necessarily uncomfortable but I was beginning to wish that I would be set free sometime soon.

She was letting me know, through both her words and the eternal handshake that she was happy to meet me and happy to introduce me to folks in the room.

Once released, I felt like a new man. I was now set free from my anxiety about being in a room full of strangers. I was escorted from one cluster of people to another being introduced as a visitor for the day.

I will remember that handshake forever. The impact that something as simple as a handshake can have is remarkable.

What impact are you having on people when you meet them for the first time? GO DO!™

Tools and Networking- Part 2

Our last post discussed tools we use to improve our networking and social activities. I talked about that little green stick and how it made my coffee drinking experience better for travel and delivery. It kept my beverage true by keeping it hot and it definitely made a lasting impression.
How can we make our networking experience better?

First impressions are the most important. Another person decides within seconds what their impression of you is. Most of us want to make a good first impression and for those who don’t want to, this probably isn’t the article you are looking for ((big smile)). That said, if we are looking to make a good impression there are several things that a person takes note of before they will open up to you mentally. We all have different things we look at but since I’m the one writing this, I will tell you what I see first!

A person’s smile.

If a new acquaintance smiles at me with a true, friendly smile- you know the kind where your eyes squint in the corners, I am almost always taken by that person! I don’t think I’m unique in that perception either.

Look at how the human race responds to a smile? You can’t help but smile when you see a baby and our goal is almost always to try to get that little one to smile. A child’s smile is beautiful with the innocence they have in their hearts and minds. And I must say when I’ve been able to make the most surly teenager smile, I feel as if I’ve won the prize of the day!

As adults, stresses take over and some people almost stop smiling. There was a cashier at my local grocery store that NEVER smiled. My daughter, Phia and I made it a goal to warm her to us so that we could see her smile. It took a few months but what a beautiful smile she had. Now, she smiles when she sees us coming.

It’s true, the expression on your face is one of the first things a person sees. There have been countless songs written about smiling. As much as I got burned out on the soundtrack of Annie when I was a little girl, the song is true. You’re never fully dressed without a smile!

So try it. Next time you are in a situation when you are around people, try smiling. It can make the coldest person warm to you and put the most timid person at ease. Ask me how I know…

((Big Smile))


Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara’s and The Once Timid Networker

The green Starbucks stick and Networking?

I would like to tell you about one of my favorite, coolest, simplest inventions. The little green stick you get at Starbucks. I have no idea what it is really called, but I love them! For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s a green plastic stick that fits perfectly into the opening on the cup cover. It has the Starbucks logo on the top. And it’s absolutely ingenious!

The first time I saw one, I was visiting my Aunt Val in Florida. She took us out for a cup and then asked if I had “ever seen one of these before?” I hadn’t and then she told me they were in the experimental stages and gave me a few. I took the extras home and put them in my car. I used and washed and reused. I loved how much easier this tool had made my coffee drinking experience.

Travel was easier because I could walk as well as drive without the coffee spilling out, either on me or my car(I hate when that happens). Delivery to a friend was easier because not only did it keep the beverage from splashing out, it also kept it hot! Yes, such a great tool!!

About four or five months later, I saw them here in Minnesota at my own favorite Starbucks location. I asked for one and they were surprised I knew what they were since they had just received them. I told them about the great impression this little item had made on me and then proceeded to sing its praises. I’m not really sure what they thought of me when I left but I didn’t care, I loved the new look of my cup!

I was removing one from my coffee lid the other day, still appreciating the value of this little tool. I smiled to myself, did a little dance in my head for the sheer coolness of it and then inspiration hit me! I thought about how we use tools to deliver our message when we network. Things that make a lasting impression, like that little green stick. What tools do you use tools to make your “delivery” easier? If you think about it, there are many at our disposal. Some are leveraged without even thinking about it, others that are very well planned out!

The next few posts will focus on specific tools, how we can use it to our benefit as well as a few things to avoid.

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's

What does Music have to do with Networking?

Do you ever feel the need to get yourself going? You may feel as though you just need that push to do what you have to do, something behind you. We all have different tools that we use for just that. One of my favorites is the theme song. I didn’t realize that’s what I called until recently viewing a DVD.


We’ve been getting Ally McBeal on our Netflix and have been enjoying reliving the show. The other night we watched and episode where Ally was struggling with something. Her therapist gave her an assignment- find a theme song. She was to summon this song in her mind when she was in the situation she was struggling with. In true Ally McBeal form, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I have a theme song!!


I thought back to when I first started hearing that song, wondering if it came from the show. But, I realized I’ve been doing a form of that my whole life. When I was growing up, we watched musicals whenever they would come on TV. When we got a VCR, we were able to finally watch them whenever we wanted and some, we watched on a regular basis. We also had the albums for our favorite musicals and so I would listen to the records as well. I always wished a person could sing their way through situations like they did in the movies, it sounded so much nicer than just the quiet thoughts in my head, the timid thoughts.


Music moves us all in different ways, it’s composed that way. Think of the range of emotions a person can feel from music even when there are no words. Now, put words to that music and you have something even more. Music and conjure up style and class, be invigorating or calming or can even move you to tears. Some music is sexy and sultry and others are playful and happy. Find what moves you to accomplish what you struggle with.


You can do what I do and have different songs for different things. Or just have one that does it all. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, just make it work for you. As a Once Timid Networker, I cant tell you how many times I've used a theme song to psych myself up before an event. I hear it over and over and I become more confident, I am able to achieve my goal. Find your theme song and see how it helps you!

Weddings and Networking

Friday was my daughter Phia’s wedding. It was simple, beautiful and they are both so happy to be together. What does this have to do with this blog? Well, the room was filled to capacity, which means there were at least 250 people there. Most of them I knew or recognized but there were still quite a few I didn’t know. I think you know where I’m going with this…

At one time, I would have been overwhelmed by the amount of people. I would have sat down at my table with the rest of my family and waited for people to come to me. I would have felt bad later that I was unable to talk to as many people as I would have liked to and wished I wasn’t so shy. I definitely would have danced a lot because it would appear that I was too busy having fun to converse. And I would have justified it to myself by saying that I was throwing the party so I could dance if I wanted to. Yes, the Men without Hats song would have been running through my head!

Well, as a Once Timid Networker, that’s what I COULD have done.

Friday night was different though. I wasn’t thinking of myself and my own comfort, I was astounded by all of the people who came and were there because they loved Paul and Phia and wanted to share the moment with them. All I could think about was how I wanted to thank all of these guests for coming and being a part of their lives and my heart moved me to do so.

I reflected on the evening the next morning over my coffee and then throughout the weekend. I realized that Networking is sometimes a social event and often I would find myself at these events sitting at a table and waiting for people to come to me. I realized that the key to my ability to thank as many people as I could Friday night, was because I wasn’t thinking of myself. My goal was to show appreciation for those who came and make sure our guests were comfortable and taken care of.

So at your next networking event or social gathering, try shifting the focus. Think of the other people in the room. Do they look comfortable? Do they know anyone there? If not, introduce them to someone they may have something in common with. Show them around and if you are unfamiliar with your surroundings, invite them to come along as you explore where everything is. Helping others to feel relaxed and comfortable feels good, it gives you confidence and helps you to feel good about yourself.

I wasn’t able to get to every person in the room Friday night, but I can honestly say that I thanked as many people as time would allow and I was happy that I felt at ease! Congratulations to my sweet Phia and to my new Son-in-law, Paul!

Tara Schmakel-The Workroom at Tara's

The Rescuer

Yesterday I saved a pretty little turtle who was trying to cross the very busy road I live on. I saw it crossing and felt the need to go help. But there were cars racing by and I cringed each time one would pass, for fear it would run over that scared little turtle. I waited for the right moment, ran into the street and grabbed it by its shell. I got to the other side of the road and placed it over by some wetlands that are nearby. I felt so good that when I got back into my house, I had to post it on Facebook!

I haven’t been able to quit thinking about it though. But today I figured out why. I could relate to that little turtle. It had a goal, to get to the other side of the road. It was taking the steps to accomplish that goal but was having a hard time reaching it. It would take a few slow steps but then a car would race over it and it would start to turn around to come back. It was as if fear was making it turn back even though the goal was in sight.

As a Once Timid Networker, I used to go to networking events just like that turtle. I had the goal, I knew what to do, but as soon as I was surrounded by other networkers racing around, exchanging business cards, making appointments in their calendars, and talking to others I would get nervous and overwhelmed and fear would take over. At times, I even tried to head back to the door just so I could get away. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever observed someone feeling that way?

Like that turtle, I needed a rescuer, someone to help me reach my goal. I began to realize that if I could be open and honest with a trusted friend or two, they could be my rescuers and help me when I needed it. At first I was their shadow. I stayed close and met the people they met and moved on when they moved on. I observed every detail, the questions they asked, what they did with the business cards they collected, even their body language. I wanted to be as comfortable as they were and move through the room effortlessly, like they did.

It became easier and gradually I would move away to talk to someone but then come back to my rescuers side. I would make it a goal to venture out and try to meet one new person. The next time I wanted to meet two new people. I did this over a period of time and then one day I realized something changed.

A few months ago I went to a networking event. My rescuers were there and I waved across the room to them when I arrived. I looked around the room and got my bearings but I didn’t rush to my rescuers’ side. Instead I looked for the new person, the timid one, the one who was overwhelmed and paralyzed in the middle of the room. They had their goal, which was why they were there, but they were eyeing the door with that all too familiar gaze. I wanted to help them feel at ease the way my rescuers had helped me.

When I left that night, I realized I never did share more than a sentence or two with my rescuer friends. I missed them and felt bad because being by their side had become such a habit. But I also realized I had grown. They had helped me cross the busy road. They had helped me reach my goal. For that I am so grateful. To my rescuers, Chad and Steve, thank you so much.

Now please excuse me, I’m off to go look for more turtles…

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's

It's what you do NEXT that counts!

Have you ever done something you regretted? Maybe you said or did the wrong thing? More than likely it was unintentional. Growing up, of course we make mistakes. One time when I was quite a bit younger, I had exercised rather poor judgment. When I talked to my mom about it, she said something that has stuck with me until this day. She said, “Tara, you made a mistake. But it’s what you do next that counts.” I live by those words. In fact it is my all time favorite quote.

There was such wisdom in my mother’s words because she knew me better than I knew myself at the time. She knew that I would withdraw. She also knew that I was a perfectionist and that in my eyes what I had done amounted to failure. She helped me see beyond what I had done. Those words helped me to look forward instead of back.

Sometimes we do something minor and sometimes it huge. Regardless, people handle things differently. At times we can become paralyzed by our actions. We may feel overwhelmed and instead of taking those “Baby Steps” we don’t do anything and that can make it even larger than it needs to be. Remember that any movement is progress.

Is there something that is paralyzing you right now? Do you feel hindered by something? Remember, it’s what you do next that counts. Break it down into steps. For those that know me, know that I am partial to making lists. If I can see my task broken down and itemized and then placed in order, I am able to think clearer and can see one thing at a time to make the progress needed. I even add things on to the list that I may have forgotten. As I cross things off, I am able to celebrate my successes. That celebration moves me to the next item on my list. It gives me energy to see the steps crossed off and instead of being paralyzed I am fueled to move forward.

As a once timid networker, becoming paralyzed used to be a regular thing, but now I know when I hit a bump that threatens to slow my progress, I make a list. And every time I cross something off I say, “It’s what you do next that counts”!

The Tiara Experiment

I have a soft place in my heart for mentoring. I wanted to take a moment to tell you about one of mine.

Four years ago, I was attending training to be an Assistant Director for BNI. My role within the organization was to support chapters and to help them grow their businesses and chapters through word of mouth marketing with regular chapter visits. I was very nervous because as a timid networker, I was still borrowing the belief of others. I truly thought I was there by mistake. But I wanted to learn as much as I could before they figured out who I REALLY was. I somehow thought they had missed the fact that I was so incredibly nervous every time I had to speak in public!

Sue Henry took me aside one day after training and she told me that she thought I was going to be a good director and that she believed in me. I think I remember feeling very uncomfortable by the attention but I also liked it and thought she was so kind to be so nice to me. She then told me two things that have stuck with me until this day and I attribute my comfort with speaking to these two things.

She first asked me if I knew the song “I whistle a happy tune” from The King and I. She then with her lovely, soothing voice started to sing the words…

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect-I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows-I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

By the time she was done, I was in silent tears. It was as if she read my mind. My chest felt so tight as I held back the sob. I was afraid and I didn’t want people to notice me because I didn’t want them to see through me. I decided that I was hindering myself with my disbelief in who I was and I realized my body language was part of it. I needed to stand up straight with my head up and smile a confident smile.

She next told me a story about Princess Diana and how she had watched Diana change from a timid princess to a woman of power before her death. It was as if she received confidence from that lovely tiara. Sue then told me how she would pretend to put on a tiara before she would speak. She found she stood up taller and had more confidence in herself. She encouraged me to do this exercise as well. What she didn’t know was that I had always wanted a tiara!! In fact I thought they were so pretty with their sparkles but didn’t think I had ever done anything to warrant one. I immediately “put one on”.

I will tell you, it worked! Sue had given me a reason to have the most beautiful tiara I’ve ever seen… even if it was only in my own head. Since that time, as a Once Timid Networker, I’ve acquired a collection of beautiful virtual tiaras!!

My now very dear friend and mentor Sue, has coined this beautiful empowering exercise, “The Tiara Experiment”. Her goal is to touch 1 million lives this year. If you could use a tiara or know someone who could, by all means take one of mine, I’ll share! Please, visit her website and help me tell others about Sue and her Tiara.
http://suehenrytalks.com/tiara_experiment.php