The Rescuer

Yesterday I saved a pretty little turtle who was trying to cross the very busy road I live on. I saw it crossing and felt the need to go help. But there were cars racing by and I cringed each time one would pass, for fear it would run over that scared little turtle. I waited for the right moment, ran into the street and grabbed it by its shell. I got to the other side of the road and placed it over by some wetlands that are nearby. I felt so good that when I got back into my house, I had to post it on Facebook!

I haven’t been able to quit thinking about it though. But today I figured out why. I could relate to that little turtle. It had a goal, to get to the other side of the road. It was taking the steps to accomplish that goal but was having a hard time reaching it. It would take a few slow steps but then a car would race over it and it would start to turn around to come back. It was as if fear was making it turn back even though the goal was in sight.

As a Once Timid Networker, I used to go to networking events just like that turtle. I had the goal, I knew what to do, but as soon as I was surrounded by other networkers racing around, exchanging business cards, making appointments in their calendars, and talking to others I would get nervous and overwhelmed and fear would take over. At times, I even tried to head back to the door just so I could get away. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever observed someone feeling that way?

Like that turtle, I needed a rescuer, someone to help me reach my goal. I began to realize that if I could be open and honest with a trusted friend or two, they could be my rescuers and help me when I needed it. At first I was their shadow. I stayed close and met the people they met and moved on when they moved on. I observed every detail, the questions they asked, what they did with the business cards they collected, even their body language. I wanted to be as comfortable as they were and move through the room effortlessly, like they did.

It became easier and gradually I would move away to talk to someone but then come back to my rescuers side. I would make it a goal to venture out and try to meet one new person. The next time I wanted to meet two new people. I did this over a period of time and then one day I realized something changed.

A few months ago I went to a networking event. My rescuers were there and I waved across the room to them when I arrived. I looked around the room and got my bearings but I didn’t rush to my rescuers’ side. Instead I looked for the new person, the timid one, the one who was overwhelmed and paralyzed in the middle of the room. They had their goal, which was why they were there, but they were eyeing the door with that all too familiar gaze. I wanted to help them feel at ease the way my rescuers had helped me.

When I left that night, I realized I never did share more than a sentence or two with my rescuer friends. I missed them and felt bad because being by their side had become such a habit. But I also realized I had grown. They had helped me cross the busy road. They had helped me reach my goal. For that I am so grateful. To my rescuers, Chad and Steve, thank you so much.

Now please excuse me, I’m off to go look for more turtles…

Tara Schmakel- The Workroom at Tara's

It's what you do NEXT that counts!

Have you ever done something you regretted? Maybe you said or did the wrong thing? More than likely it was unintentional. Growing up, of course we make mistakes. One time when I was quite a bit younger, I had exercised rather poor judgment. When I talked to my mom about it, she said something that has stuck with me until this day. She said, “Tara, you made a mistake. But it’s what you do next that counts.” I live by those words. In fact it is my all time favorite quote.

There was such wisdom in my mother’s words because she knew me better than I knew myself at the time. She knew that I would withdraw. She also knew that I was a perfectionist and that in my eyes what I had done amounted to failure. She helped me see beyond what I had done. Those words helped me to look forward instead of back.

Sometimes we do something minor and sometimes it huge. Regardless, people handle things differently. At times we can become paralyzed by our actions. We may feel overwhelmed and instead of taking those “Baby Steps” we don’t do anything and that can make it even larger than it needs to be. Remember that any movement is progress.

Is there something that is paralyzing you right now? Do you feel hindered by something? Remember, it’s what you do next that counts. Break it down into steps. For those that know me, know that I am partial to making lists. If I can see my task broken down and itemized and then placed in order, I am able to think clearer and can see one thing at a time to make the progress needed. I even add things on to the list that I may have forgotten. As I cross things off, I am able to celebrate my successes. That celebration moves me to the next item on my list. It gives me energy to see the steps crossed off and instead of being paralyzed I am fueled to move forward.

As a once timid networker, becoming paralyzed used to be a regular thing, but now I know when I hit a bump that threatens to slow my progress, I make a list. And every time I cross something off I say, “It’s what you do next that counts”!

The Tiara Experiment

I have a soft place in my heart for mentoring. I wanted to take a moment to tell you about one of mine.

Four years ago, I was attending training to be an Assistant Director for BNI. My role within the organization was to support chapters and to help them grow their businesses and chapters through word of mouth marketing with regular chapter visits. I was very nervous because as a timid networker, I was still borrowing the belief of others. I truly thought I was there by mistake. But I wanted to learn as much as I could before they figured out who I REALLY was. I somehow thought they had missed the fact that I was so incredibly nervous every time I had to speak in public!

Sue Henry took me aside one day after training and she told me that she thought I was going to be a good director and that she believed in me. I think I remember feeling very uncomfortable by the attention but I also liked it and thought she was so kind to be so nice to me. She then told me two things that have stuck with me until this day and I attribute my comfort with speaking to these two things.

She first asked me if I knew the song “I whistle a happy tune” from The King and I. She then with her lovely, soothing voice started to sing the words…

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect-I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows-I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

By the time she was done, I was in silent tears. It was as if she read my mind. My chest felt so tight as I held back the sob. I was afraid and I didn’t want people to notice me because I didn’t want them to see through me. I decided that I was hindering myself with my disbelief in who I was and I realized my body language was part of it. I needed to stand up straight with my head up and smile a confident smile.

She next told me a story about Princess Diana and how she had watched Diana change from a timid princess to a woman of power before her death. It was as if she received confidence from that lovely tiara. Sue then told me how she would pretend to put on a tiara before she would speak. She found she stood up taller and had more confidence in herself. She encouraged me to do this exercise as well. What she didn’t know was that I had always wanted a tiara!! In fact I thought they were so pretty with their sparkles but didn’t think I had ever done anything to warrant one. I immediately “put one on”.

I will tell you, it worked! Sue had given me a reason to have the most beautiful tiara I’ve ever seen… even if it was only in my own head. Since that time, as a Once Timid Networker, I’ve acquired a collection of beautiful virtual tiaras!!

My now very dear friend and mentor Sue, has coined this beautiful empowering exercise, “The Tiara Experiment”. Her goal is to touch 1 million lives this year. If you could use a tiara or know someone who could, by all means take one of mine, I’ll share! Please, visit her website and help me tell others about Sue and her Tiara.
http://suehenrytalks.com/tiara_experiment.php

Baby Steps

Today I feel inspired to write about Mentors.

When a child learns to walk it happens in stages. At first they just stand with the support. As they get stronger they actually pull themselves up and are able to support themselves as they cling to something. They get excited when they actually stand with no support and we hold our breath almost counting the seconds that they keep their balance and stand on their own. Next they walk with us, sometimes stumbling. But when that happens, we pick them up and hold their hand and encourage them to go again. And won’t you agree that as they take their first steps we watch and cheer wanting them to succeed. We encourage them to try again and we clap at each little trip they make. Again and again they are able to walk on their own and they get stronger and can go farther.

And then everything changes… they walk, they run, they jump, they play and as onlookers who helped them reach that goal we watch and beam with great pride at their success and growth.

Throughout my life I have had people who have inspired me and stirred my heart to be more. Some have pushed me and some have pulled me. Others have guided me as if holding my hand at every step. Some have stayed with me through my successes and others have helped me get up when I’ve fallen down. Sadly, some have left for one reason or another, leaving a mark on my life. And there are a beloved few who I feel will always be there and will look on with encouragement and pride.

Why did they help me? They saw something that I didn’t know existed in me and they believed in me. As a Once Timid Networker, not only did I thrive on that guidance but I have also learned to crave it.

For those of you, who see “something” in a person, please allow yourself to be lead by those thoughts and become a mentor. Let them borrow your belief until they can make it their own. For those of you who are timid… allow yourself to be led, supported and be cheered on. You will be surprised at what will happen. I was…

To my family and my very dear friends (you know who you are), thank you!

Flowers and Nuts

I love flowers! I also love gardening. There is something about digging in the dirt that decompresses me instantly. I’ve been thinking about which annuals to plant and where to put them. Some flowers are very compact and will stay that way as they grow. There are others that will spread if allowed. Of those flowers that spread some can be coaxed in the direction you would like them to go. Some will even train themselves once put in the right direction and will cling to an object, eventually becoming a beautiful topiary that stands alone.

This Once Timid Networker was at one time a very compact flower. I used to stay very close to what was safe and what I knew. Venturing in a new direction when it involved people was incredibly intimidating. I wasn’t afraid of trying new things necessarily. I had always been very driven and goal oriented. But talking to people I didn’t know was very challenging. Learning how to network however gave me the ability and opportunity to spread myself out a little more and meet new people. Not much at first but I learned the words to say to represent my business, The Workroom as well as myself, in a way that showed confidence and belief in what I was saying.

My friend Iain Whyte of Big Man Talking and author of Life, Business and Speedboats, explains how to get those words together and prepared. He calls them your Hazelnut, Walnut and Coconut speeches.

Hazelnuts- This is the small nugget of information. What you do plus one benefit.
Walnuts- Use this when someone wants you to elaborate on your Hazelnut by asking to tell them more you can promote a certain product or service with a little greater detail. Usually you only want it to be a sentence or two including a benefit.
Coconut- This would be 1-2 minutes about your business, usually used in a more formal type of setting such as a BNI meeting or another roundtable introduction at some other networking event.

Iain says “Use your nuts”! Because when you’ve planned what to say, are comfortable and familiar with the words, you will come across much more confident and professional.

A funny thing happens when you have that appearance, people listen to you. And each time you are successful, you become more confident, as well as practiced. You begin to blossom and train and coax yourself like those flowers hanging on to each triumphant moment. And after a period of time, you can look back and see where you’ve been but also that you have trained yourself into a towering form that stands on its own.
Tara Schmakel
The Workroom at Tara’s

Today I was remembered!

Today something happened that has set me beaming!

I was at Starbucks waiting for my coffee and noticed a lady sitting at a table by herself but obviously waiting for someone. I recognized her and jogged my memory for her name… Lesley! I had done some design work and custom sewing for her probably 15 or so years ago and always really enjoyed her. I stood there waiting and before I knew it, I was talking to her and she confirmed that she was the Lesley I knew. She recognized and remembered me and we did the exchange of business cards and “What have you been up to?” When I told her that I do custom sewing for homes, she immediately said, “I need you!” She then filled me in on some projects she would like my help with.

I have spent years reintroducing myself to people or worse, not followed up because, "maybe too much time has gone by and they won’t remember me". My insecurities have been grounded too! I can’t tell you how many times I have spent time with someone and gotten to know them and then when I saw them again, they had no clue who I was. I felt completely forgettable and unfortunately it had hindered me to quite a degree.

Have you or someone you know fallen into this trap? Is it keeping you from progressing in some way? Could you be missing out on business? What can you do to make talking to people that you have previously met, easier?

1. Stand up tall and put a smile on your face! Having good posture not only gives you confidence but gives the appearance to others that you are. Smiling is just always good form. It makes you feel good and it’s contagious.
   
2. When you make the move to talk to them, reintroduce yourself with not only your name but also a reminder of the conversation that you had held previously. If you remember the event or location throw that in too.
   
3. Make eye contact. You can’t recognize someone you know if you aren’t aware of your surroundings and who is there.

Today I approached and spoke to someone I recognized from my past. To a confident person that may seem like a small thing. But to a Once Timid Networker, I realized I got out of my own way! It wasn’t hard and there was nothing to lose. The worst that could have happened was she didn’t know who I was. But that isn’t what happened. I am no longer that introverted, shy girl who wouldn’t look a person in the eye and it felt good. I sipped my first iced coffee of the year, and I as I drove away I had a little party in my head celebrating!

Tara Schmakel

The Workroom at Tara's

Networking Is Like Swimming

It's spring and you're heading to the pool for the first time of the season. It's finally warm out. No, it's downright hot! All you can think about is getting cool in the pool! You know it will be refreshing, you will be with friends or family that you have been looking forward to spending time with and you may even lose that glow in the dark look that you've been sporting all winter! You're ready to get in, but before you do, you test the waters with your toe... IT'S FREEZING. You know that you want to get in, but you can't just "jump in" like everyone is hollering out to you. So you go back on the deck to psych yourself up!

To a lot of people networking is just like getting into that pool for the first time. It's too cold and instead of just jumping in, they retreat for another time or until they are ready.

So what can a person do to ease into networking? Three things will help:

1. Think positive- If you think the pool is too cold, it will be. If you think the event will be intimidating, it will be. Tell yourself how great it will be and how good it will feel to have the sense of accomplishment! Just like you psych yourself to get into the pool, you can psych yourself for the event!

2. Dress for success- There are certain items of clothing that are suitable for swimming. It would be challenging to go for a dip if you were wearing a snowmobile suit. It could actually hinder your progress and weigh you down and you could even drown. If you are wearing something inappropriate for networking, you can also take a dive. Dressing according to your business is always a good idea, but many find it helpful to dress it up a notch. They find that little extra, gives them confidence, not to mention an edge over their competition. Also, don't forget your smile. The most important accessory you could put on!

3. Be prepared- To swim in a pool, you need to have the water ready. To network at an event, you need to have your words ready. Practice what to say when someone asks you what you do. Memorize a phrase or two that will just roll off your tongue. Once you are comfortable and a person is truly interested in what you do, you will find it easy to speak from the heart. You will also find it helpful to have business cards and your calendar along!

By practicing these tips and making them your own, it will become easier to attend a function, just like easing into the pool a little at a time. However, you may find you reach a certain level of comfort that you decide to just go all the way in. Whether you become numb to the effects of your mind or just reach a level of comfort, the result will be refreshing and satisfying and you may even build some relationships and get some business!

Tara Schmakel
The Workroom at Tara's